Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (1.5/4 stars)

This is a movie where I expected the worst and because of that I wasn't horribly disappointed. Don't get me wrong this movie isn't good, it just isn't utter trash either.

The writing and dialog was a very low point to this movie. I have a hard time believing that they couldn't do better. The story is based on a race of "psychlos". Give me a break, that is the dumbest name of all time. They kept saying stupid things like "We discovered a dog race, clearly this is the superior race on the planet" and calling the humans "man animals." Freaking retarded. Why would a race with this much technology and knowledge insist on being so dumb.

The acting was also bad, party because the dialog was horrible. John Travolta was terrible. Why does this alien race sound like a bunch of up tight Brits?

The only good qualities the movie had was the decent special effects and the idea behind the movie. I generally enjoyed watching it, I just couldn't fathom why they insisted on screwing it up. Like a bunch of hunters learning to fly fighter jets. Furthermore, the jets actually flew after being stuck in a hangar for 100 years. Why were the jets even there? Didn't an alien race attack us, why would we just get our asses kicked on foot when it is clear that a fighter jet can take down one of their crafts?

I also have a hard time believing that in two generations that we would forget how to write, our history, and what a city looks like when it is just a half-day walk away.

So was this movie good? No. Should you watch it? No. Will I watch it again? Unfortunately, if it is on tv it is the type of movie I would keep on. I am a glutton for punishment.

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World Trade Center (2/4 stars)

I wasn't sure what to expect with this movie, but I thought I was either going to love it or hate it. I can't honestly say I "hated it" but I was bored by it. I also couldn't help but think that if this movie wasn't about a real event that affected so many people around me that I would have probably turned it off.

The way Oliver Stone went about introducing the characters and their lives was ordinary and didn't every build anything up. They went into the building, they got trapped, they stayed their a while and they were rescued. The whole time I was hoping someone would rescue me from the movie.

If there was a silver lining with this movie, it was the emotional and heart-felt moments. I thought most of these were performed excellently by Maggie Gyllenhaal. Her performance was great.

I can’t see myself ever watching this movie again.

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Boys and Girls Guide to getting Down (3/4 stars)

A riot. The idea was clearly taken right from the "Hitchhiker's Guide." If you want a movie with a real plot this is not your film. However, if you want a movie with funny narration, interesting graphics and an almost documentary feel this is for you. The movie was broken up into several "guides" starting with how to get into clubs and eventually covering topics like "Sketchy drugs vs. Fun drugs" and "Greasing the Bartender's wheels".

I learned quite a bit about how to store cocaine, how to detect a coke whore, what to do to avoid the awkward morning after a hookup and how to get into a club. I think the movie is better if you can relate some of the things they go over, so if you are a homebody and have never been around that crowd you may find it hard to enjoy. But I could be wrong.

I give this movie 3 out of 4 coke lines off a nipple.

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Michael Clayton (3/4 stars) - Very dull but still a good film

Michael Clayton is a good is so many ways but it is just too dull to keep my attention. The acting is great, the directing is good and the story is interesting. But for all of these things there just wasn't enough going on to keep things moving. What was only a two hour movie felt more like 3. I think you really have to be in the mood to watch a movie like this and unfortunately I am not in that mindset too often. I think this is a solid movie rental but I wouldn't bother with it in the theatre because of this.

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Halloween 2007 (2.5/4 stars) - Too much of a good thing kills the movie

Very high expectations led me to be disappointed in this movie. Rob Zombie’s directing is proving to be mediocre with the same old formula of raw camera work, over-the-top dialog and gore that tries too hard to be shocking. Some of his movies this works, but with this one it hurt the mystique of the original movie.

Part of the reason the original Halloween was so good was because it took place in an ordinary town, with ordinary people and a seeming ordinary boy (Michael Myers) killed his family. But in Rob Zombie’s Halloween, Michael Myers family comprises of a stripper mother, a violent, drunk, cripple step dad, a teenage whore of a sister and Michael who tortures small animals. The town is also made up of degenerate white trash kids, which make it hard to relate to any of the characters. The dialog was part of the reason I found myself disconnected from movie, it was so exaggerated it came off as phony.

There were some good scenes relating to Michael Meyers and his history that I enjoyed, but half the movie was this back story and then the movie seemed to try to play catch up. Most of the killings were done pretty well and followed a typical hacker/slasher formula. I wish that there was a little bit more suspense with the killings. Occasionally, it would have been nice to show all the action and leave a little to your imagination. But that is defiantly something Rob Zombie is not known for.

Overall, it wasn’t good but it wasn’t bad. It also depends what type of horror you like. I like the eerie, suspenseful type of horror rather than the gore fests. If you love gore than this movie may appeal to you more.

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3:10 to Yuma (3.5/4 stars)

Not being a huge fan of westerns didn't keep me from thoroughly enjoying this movie. I thought the acting was great, the story was good (I never saw the 50's version so it was new for me), and the action sequences were awesome. The characters reminded me a lot of Tomestone's characters. They were bad-ass and you weren't sure which ones you liked best.

The plot consists of Dan (Christian Bale) an ordinary rancher who was down on his luck rising up to the challenge of bringing the most notorious criminal to justice. The plot was simple enough and I am a sucker for movies where the criminal's character goes into a deeper part of the human character. Kind of like Hannibal Lecter falling in love with Clarice Starling (or at least falling into fascination) these two unlikely characters shared a respect that carried them through the story.

Check this one out, you won't be sorry.

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Stardust (3/4 stars)

Stardust was a joy to watch, it was funny, well acted, and the special effects were fantastic. The only reason I didn't rate this movie higher was because it was pretty cheesy at times. Even though it was cheesy it didn't take away from much during the film that was good. Most of the cheese revolved around romance between the "star" Yvaine (Claire Danes) and Tristen (Charlie Cox). It was a predictable fairy-tale and as you watched it you knew how it was going to end so you couldn't get too wrapped up in their setbacks along the way.

Still, it was a fun adventure and I thoroughly enjoyed watching it. The ghosts of the princes were amusing throughout and De Niro's flamboyant character "Captain Shakespeare" was hilarious at times. Who doesn't like a cross-dressing pirate?

Michelle Pfeiffer also showed that she still has it, she was both hot and evil at the same time. Not bad for a 50-year-old. Check this one out. It is bound to become one of the great date movies.

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Superbad (3.5/4 stars)

This is one of the funniest, awkward teen movies ever. The dialog was really dry and witty, though there was some physical comedy to mix it up. Most of the humor was toilet humor, which is exactly the way I like it. How many balls and vagina jokes can you hear before you get sick of them? I am not sure it is possible.

I am glad this movie was rated "R" because they could keep it in the gutter the whole time instead of trying to play for the younger crowd. But most of all I am glad that there is another male that is obsessed with drawing penises ever chance they can. What a relief!

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Transformers (3/4 stars)

Let me explain why I gave this only 3 stars. The movie was a lot of fun to watch, the special effects were amazing, it was funny but even with all that I felt annoyed at times during the movie. Some scenes were just too drawn out and halted the movie and even though most of them were funny I wanted it to get back to the story. With that said, I think those scenes ruin this movie's re-watchability.

It is so long and some scenes are just not important enough to warrant rewatching, so get your dvd players ready to fast forward past those parts even though the rest of it was great. Shia LaBeouf was also somewhat annoying but Megan Fox was so hot it didn't matter.

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Children of Men 3/4 stars

This movie was simply done well. Clive Owens character's misery and self pity was very believable until the end. The dialog could have been a bit better in this film, there were certain times where I found myself thinking that the only reason they were talking was to fill the audience in on what had happened in the past. I feel that this was not terrible and answered some of my questions but they could have done it a bit more sly.

One of the best parts of this film was the apocalyptic plot and war style action. This style of action was where the director excelled at and really brought the movie from just alright to really good. Michael Caine's character, Jasper, was a pot smoking, hippy scholar. He helped alleviate some of the dramatic scenes with some humor that didn't seem forced at all.

In the end I really enjoyed the idea behind the plot, it reminded me of an ultra-realistic version of Aeon Flux. Good enough to check out in the theater and defiantly worth a look in the movie store.

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Apocalypto 2.5/4 stars

First off, this movie is beautiful to watch and for the most part, Mel Gibson does a great job with the film. For me, the movie misses on a few huge aspects and we are left with a movie that should have been great but ends up being humorous at times. It is a story about the Aztec civilization and there quest to appease the gods with human sacrifice. They seek out the natives in the forest to enslave and kill them. This is the first part of the movie where Mel starts messing up. The Aztec’s behead their slaves, but this beheading is not only humorous, watching the heads bounce down the stairs, but it ruins the drama and brings the tension back to square one. So while the tension of the prophesy coming true is beginning, the audience is laughing at the head with the body following it down the stairs. The next problem I have with this film is due to the predictability and improbability of the second half of the film. Most of the battles and deaths you could see coming from a mile away and though the big chase through the forest was interesting and intense at times it was over the top. For instance, the main character, Jaguar Paw, receives an arrow wound to the stomach and somehow manages to run for over 12 hours without stopping. I realize he is the prophecy but this is a little extreme and the events that follow the chase are a bit too much like Rambo. I am being a bit more harsh about this movie than others of its type because it had the making to be a classic, to be like Last of the Mohicans, but it will end up being just another decent movie that tried to wow the audience with blood and comic one liners. Check this movie out, but wait for video. check out http://www.filmcrave.com (coming mid 2007)